Three weeks ago, Lizzy came to our house for dinner and a priesthood blessing prior to going into surgery the next morning. Lizzy was a very private person and did not want anyone in her ward to know about the surgery. No one knew about it, other than me. I was busy with so many things that Monday, but stopped in to check on Lizzy after her surgery on Monday evening. She was happy, comfortable and tearful. Kate and Bekah were with me. Lizzy kept asking for hugs and wanted to hold Bekah. She spoke of peace and that she was not worried for this surgery. She felt happy. I was not worried about her at all. She seemed to be doing so well. The doctor came in and talked with her and everything had gone so well. I left to go to baseball and thought about her a lot that night. Lizzy was expected to be released the following morning. I was planning to check in with her that morning and see if she needed a ride or anything. I recieved a phone call from the hospital at 6:27 am saying that Lizzy was unresponsive. I jumped into the car and headed to the hospital. Jason was with me, and we ran out of gas on the way. While driving, I called the hospital for an update and got the news that she had passed away. I was devastated and so shaken up about it. I still get teary when I think of it.
Lizzy had listed me as her next of kin and her power of attorney. She had a "Do not resuscitate" bracelet on and so they could not do too much to try to bring her back. I got to the hospital, and said my goodbye's to her. The nurse came in to clean up her body a little and she told me that she had sat with Lizzy the night before, and the two of them spoke of God and his goodness and mercy. That is so Lizzy! The nurse checked her vitals at 5:30 am, and she was doing well, the doctor came in a little after six and she was unresponsive at that time.
I ordered an autopsy and nothing could be discovered. Lizzy's time on earth was just over. I knew it. I just have had a really hard time saying goodbye. I think of her everywhere I go. Her birthday was coming up and she wanted to come over for a family night and spend her birthday with us. I was planning on a trip to the zoo with Lizzy. She has not attended the zoo since she was a child, about 6 or 7 years old. She was so looking forward to going.
Hmm... To make a long story short, we tried to contact her family and friends and foster family. Most of them live out in Washington State. The family demanded cremation. I felt Lizzy would not have wanted to be cremated, but I discovered that since Lizzy did not have a will, my power to make that call did not stand up legally. Her family got their wish and she was cremated and sent home to Washington State. Dealing with that news of cremation was really hard for me to come to terms with also. I felt like Lizzy did not want her family making these calls, and I was helpless to do anything. My husband and my Stake President (Who was Lizzy's other closest friend) helped me to come to peace with this. We cleaned out her apartment and her ward did a small memorial service that I spoke at. We were supposed to be on vacation, but we went late so we could make the service. I am so happy we went. Mostly nonmembers showed up and it was a very touching and lovely service. Her foster family came all the way here and I was so honored to meet Kathy, her foster mom. Lizzy told me that Kathy was the first person that ever made her feel loved.
Moving forward after this event has been difficult. I feel more nervous and scared than normal. I had a really hard time sending Will to scout camp just afterward. I just want to hold everyone close and watch over them carefully. I know that Lizzy is in a better place. I know she is relieved of the burdens she carried all her life. She no longer has to drag her feet. She is free and happy. I have felt a lot of comfort as I grieve. I am so greatful for my friendship with Lizzy. I love her dearly and look forward to the day when we will meet again.
